1:15 pm  •  14 October 2011  •  1,631 notes  •  Comments

Last night’s Community featured seven different timelines based on the roll of a die.  They led you to believe that the final timeline was the real one, but I don’t believe this to be true.  Here’s why.

1. The episode begins with a brief argument about whether Troy and Abed live in apartment 303 or 304.  This episode was season three, episode four.  What this hints at is that this episode takes place before the last one.
2. In every timeline except Jeff’s (supposedly the real one), Pierce mentions that he had sex with Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom.  He tells Omar in 303 that the members of the study group are the only ones he’s told about that event.
3. Abed’s timeline is the only one in which Shirley finds out that Britta smokes pot.  In 303, when Britta burns the list, Shirley says, “oh no!  She’s got her marijuana lighter!”
4. In Abed’s timeline, he finds a nickel.  At the beginning of 303, he gives Pierce a coin to pay for the water fountain.
5. This isn’t a proof, but from a storytelling perspective, Jeff and Annie kissing is the biggest event in any timeline (other than Pierce dying).  Their relationship in 303 is alternately very friendly and extremely strained, which makes sense in a post-kitchen-make-out timeline.

Please refer all “get a life” comments to me in an alternate timeline where I wasn’t allowed to watch TV growing up and now I’m the youngest ever president of the United States.

3:06 pm  •  10 August 2011  •  5 notes  •  Comments

1. Attempted suicide should be punishable by death, with the caveat that the prisoner be allowed to choose his method of execution and administer it himself.
2. Without a proper child-rearing permit, abortions should be mandatory.
3. Everyone should be able to own a gun, but minors, felons, and the mentally ill can only have squirt guns.  They can fill them with poison if they want.  That’s up to them.
4. People who marry farm animals should be convicted of rape.  However, they should be allowed conjugal visits with their spouses.
5. Marijuana should be legalized and Viagra should be illegalized.  It would be more obvious who should be charged with possession.
6. Torture has been proven to be an ineffective interrogation tactic.  Therefore, only after a suspect has cooperated fully and given indisputably truthful answers can torture then be applied.  For the fun of it!
7. The fashion police should be a real government agency given the full use of force.
8. Truth in advertising must be enforced: chain stores should only be allowed to sell chains and mom and pop stores should be privately owned orphanages.
9. The legal drinking age should switch places with the age of consent.  That way, the first time will be more enjoyable.
10. The voting age should be reduced to 16 and cut off at 62.  We already know who old people are voting for and we don’t care.